Challenge 1 - King Pheenix

[MadHatter]

CHALLENGE 1 - KING PHEENIX


Contestants were asked to make a brand new track that describes themselves and their life. Here is his submission:

King Pheenix - "Determinator"


They were then asked to improve their music pages, to be more appealing to their potential listeners and fans. Here is the site he has submitted.

King Pheenix - Official Site http://artificialhell.com/

Please add in your commentary and constructive criticism. The official voting poll will be posted here on this thread as soon as all entrants have submitted their activity for the first challenge.

VOTING DEADLINE: SUNDAY, AUGUST 23RD AT 11:59PM CST!

[Britsy]

I like the song. My head was bobbing for sure. The site is pretty good. I liked the links at the bottom for other places to find you.

[Chester]

OFFICIAL JUDGE COMMENTARY - CHESTER

EVALUATION OF YOUR CHALLENGE 1 TRACK

The instrumental: Good, but that tingly sound effect pisses me off, especially because it plays through the chorus.

Timing: Not bad, but there were a few places (Esp verse 2 and 3) that were a bit rough.

Energy: Not bad, but I know the KP I met at NAPSE can put more out. It felt like you were holding back a lil' bit.

Emotion: No qualms here, sounded good to me.

Musicality: Not bad, Some dope multis in there. I had an issue with the pauses though, in the chorus and verses.

Creativeness: Lyrics were good!

Flow variety: Good switch-ups, especially when switching between multis.

Vocal quality: Sounded good to me.

Additional comments: You're already improving, and I can't wait to see how high you'll climb. You've got potential, just listen to the advice of the other Judges (The ones with more than a couple tracks under their belts, *shame* Lol). Overall I liked this track, even though those pauses pissed me off.


EVALUATION OF YOUR MUSIC SITE UPDATES

First impression without having to scroll or click through anything: party likes it's 1995!

Graphical attractiveness: Eh, Black and White seems a lil' plain with out some kind of edgy designs to go with it.

Cohesiveness: Everything was put where it belongs, I liked the layout.

Amount of content: Seemed good to me, although you mentioned pictures but there were none to be found.

Overall professionalism of the sites: Passing. I know that I don't know shit about web design Post-HTML-golden years, so I can't say shit about the lack of flash buttons, video, or other stuff.

Additional comments: Keep the KPXtras coming, not only are they fresh but it's great practice!

[MadHatter]

the KP I met at NAPSE can put more out.

You WISH he'd put out for you.

[pyromadd]

King Pheenis is win. Good job KPS!

[mc 8bit]

No surprise here, but KPX gets my vote.

i didn't mind the pauses, the rest is an often overlooked musical necessity.

[Pops Ghostly]

Nice on man, lyrically pretty solid and I am feeling that beat...it just needs to be louder. This could be a banger but it needs that beat up a bit to give it the intensity. I also would have liked to hear the chorus with doubled up vox and maybe some punch ins...maybe from reverb on the vox? Aside from that, I'm feeling it.

[bazuukajoe]

I love the flow and the lyrics on this one. But as Pops Ghostly said, I think you should have dubbed the vocals for the chorus. And the verses do sound kind of dry but I think that works for you.

[Da Silky Slimz]

Yeah some of the vocals needed more. Beat some times bothers me, but other times doesn't, so I don't really know what to tell you there. Overall it's good work. Some of the lines/delivery came off sloppy, to me, but that's pretty much it.

[Lo Tech]

Very awesome!

I liked the beat. Kinda futuristicy/tech-like? (I don't really know how to appropriately describe things ^.^)

But like was said before me, the multis rocked and I like your rapping voice!

The website does look plain, there needs to be more pictures....like a banner at the top and a sweet font selection. Ha ha!!! ;) But the coding looks clean man, like the old days. Like the old days.

[OsolocoAZ]

This song is solid. I dig it. Really the first time I've heard your work, and i agree that you have a great voice.
The beeping bothered me a little, but that is probably only because I read Chester's review before I actually started song.... That wasn't so smart of me.
Gonna be hard for the judges!

[benjamin bear]

OFFICIAL JUDGE COMMENTARY - BENJAMIN BEAR

EVALUATION OF YOUR CHALLENGE 1 TRACK

The instrumental: 6 It's aight.

Timing: 7 A few rough patches here and there, a few awkard slurs lose you points.

Energy: 6 it was there, but at the same time you sounded like you were reading off a cue card, know what i mean?

Emotion: 6 Kinda sounds like you were acting. Are you really going to fight? Doesn't really sound like it.

Musicality: 4 It's so hard to judge the musicality of a rhythm based genre. Rhythmically, it's there, as far as music theory goes, I'm kinda meh.

Creativeness: 4 I got a definate "been there, done that" vibe. It wasn't bad, but it wouldn't make me stop and ask who you were if i heard it being played somehwere.

Flow variety: 7 There were some good switch ups, but I can't recall where they were in the song.

Vocal quality: 6 Distortion. Volume. EQ. Fix plz. I don't mean to pick on you, but this has pretty much been a constant issue with the submissions.

Additional comments: It's ok, but that just means it's average. If you're happy with being an average rapper, that's one thing, but I don't think you do. Memorize your lyrics and get comfortable with them before recording, or at least practice looking at the next line after the one you're rapping so you can recite it from memory. If you do this already, then you need to emote a little more. Same as with Diabeats, I'm not really believing what you're telling me.

Total Score: 6

EVALUATION OF YOUR MUSIC SITE UPDATES

First impression without having to scroll or click through anything: idk. i think it's some genesis game or something.

Graphical attractiveness: Aside from the background, I don't see a whole lot of graphics. It's a good start though

Cohesiveness: It just reminds me of the whole "frames/no frames" debate in the early days of the www.

Overall professionalism of the sites: You could probably pass an HTML class with this, but it doesn't make me comfortable.

Additional comments: You can actually do a lot with minimalistic HTML. For example, I like the layout of the LSDJ homepage:

http://www.littlesounddj.com/lsd

It's only one page, but see how all the information is right there and it's easy to see? It's not flashy, but it's comfortable and easy to navigate.

score: 6

[Lady L337]

OFFICIAL JUDGE COMMENTARY - KOURTNEY

EVALUATION OF YOUR CHALLENGE 1 TRACK

The instrumental: Pretty standard. Not awful, but not great either.

Timing: Decent. Verse 1 was far better than the last ones. Also, first part of the chorus didn't sound like it fit right to me..

Energy: Lots of it, no doubt.

Emotion: Sounded angry. I didn't believe it.

Musicality: Average.

Creativeness: I thought the lyrics were alright. There were some that I loved and some that I didn't. I think the hook needed a bit more.

Flow variety: Pretty good. Some parts I felt like you were off beat.

Vocal quality: Decent. I think you could've cleaned it up a bit.

Additional comments: I heard you were much better at NAPSE, though I didn't get the chance to hear you at all the whole weekend :(
Overall, the track was decent. I think you have a lot of potential, sir. :)

Score: 6/10

EVALUATION OF YOUR MUSIC SITE UPDATES

First impression without having to scroll or click through anything: Boooooooooring home page, dude.

Graphical attractiveness: Clean, but uninteresting. Add a little bit of color to spruce it up.

Cohesiveness: Very organized, everything was easy to find, except the pictures? Where da pics at yo?

Amount of content: Pretty good. I like that you had links to your myspace/twitter/facebook that could be easily found.

Overall professionalism of the sites: Acceptable.

Additional comments:

[Maros]

I'm not too keen on the hook, but the track is good and your voice is kind of entrancing.
But i didn't feel like i actually got much about you. More like a showing of your skills which are great.
just a couple of pauses in there that kind of stops the way you feel on the track. But that's just my perception.

[KingPheenix]

Hey guys, thanks for the constructive criticism and props. Judges i am taking everything youre saying, and learning. this has been an insightful process no matter what. and no matter what happens i will be polishing things up.

everyone else with the props and crits., i thank you and am still getting stronger. as with all my music, i have seen places that i would love to tighten up and re write. i look at all my tracks as a chance to get better. grow or die y'know.

as for the site, i agree with a lot, i got the basic layout from a very helpful person. and i will be adding more. (just waiting till after judging ends,cause i dont wanna do something to hurt my chances, since its past the deadline.) my pics didnt meet my standards, but i am taking new sets all the time. no excuse, just telling yall whats up.

and if i stay, i will crank the heat up to max, sure nuff. <----i like this guy he looks like me without the moustache
love you all,
KPX 21

the KP I met at NAPSE can put more out.

You WISH he'd put out for you.

DAMN lol. yall kill me.

[Deafinition]

OFFICIAL JUDGE COMMENTARY - DEAFINITION

EVALUATION OF YOUR CHALLENGE 1 TRACK

The instrumental: Whatever that synthed glockenspiel sound is, I don't like it. Otherwise the beat is good.

Timing:Timing is great except for one spot there was a tiny slip up... I think in the second verse?

Energy: Personally I like the energy you brought. The only thing I think would have sounded more bad ass is if you came a little harder with your dubs on the verses, let them stand out on a song like this when you dub multis. Gives it a harder hitting feel. Just don't abuse it.

Emotion: Good, but again... not really personal. I think 90% of our contestants forgot to read that part of the challenge.

Musicality: I still think you sound like a white, nerdy Ice Cube, which I kind of dig.

Creativeness: Good use of multis, good use of pauses (which is rare these days). All in all I liked it. Just remember, you should always dub over the entire hook, it's suppose to stand out over your verses, not hide behind them.

Flow variety: Love the flow and cadence and again, the pauses were acceptable to me because you still picked up on beat and managed to make them sound good instead of stressing words to fill the gaps.

Vocal quality: My only real complaint was the the hook without the dubs. Fix that ASAP.

Additional comments:Nothing much to say here except for what I seem to be having to mention a lot in this challenge, I learned nothing about you on a personal level.


EVALUATION OF YOUR MUSIC SITE UPDATES

First impression without having to scroll or click through anything: Front page is looking kind of bland, bro, but seeing as you said it was going to be fixed, I've no real input here.

[KingPheenix]

First impression without having to scroll or click through anything: Front page is looking kind of bland, bro, but seeing as you said it was going to be fixed, I've no real input here.

no feel free man, im not gonna fix it until this round is done, just cause it wouldnt seem fair after deadlines.

[Deafinition]

First impression without having to scroll or click through anything: Front page is looking kind of bland, bro, but seeing as you said it was going to be fixed, I've no real input here.

no feel free man, im not gonna fix it until this round is done, just cause it wouldnt seem fair after deadlines.

Yeah but I've also been sleepless for 48 hours and am no expert on websites. Haha.

[KingPheenix]

First impression without having to scroll or click through anything: Front page is looking kind of bland, bro, but seeing as you said it was going to be fixed, I've no real input here.

no feel free man, im not gonna fix it until this round is done, just cause it wouldnt seem fair after deadlines.

Yeah but I've also been sleepless for 48 hours and am no expert on websites. Haha.

Totally understand man, almost undead style too <------- so wanted to use that.

[MadHatter]

I swear to god, the most recent success of Geekamigo is because of those god damned smilies. Haha.

Oh, and